Atomic Bomb: A History
by BettySueheartsharrypotter
Summary: This is the true story of the battle of Hogwarts, written by Harry Potter himself. This story follows Harry on his final escapades in Hogwarts. Which includes a some slightly erotic and gruesome scenes. Read if you want to know what Dolores is keeping from you all.


**Atomic Bomb A History: A Harry Potter Erotica Novella**

**Author's note**

This is the true story of the battle of Hogwarts (and a little before). YOU have all been deceived by the one that goes by the name of Dolores Umbridge. She works for the Ministry of Magic in working to cover up the truth. It is time for YOU to hear the truth for I must not tell lies!

~Harry Jamesicle Potter

**Chapter 1**

I was passing the girls lavatory on the 2nd floor one day. _Moan Moan Groan Groan! _Hold on one second! I recognize those noises of pleasure, I think! I went in to investigate to see if my suspicions were correct. And they were…as always. Malfoy sat on a toilet, trousers carelessly sprawled upon the cold heartless ground. His hand clutching his wand tightly moving in swish and flick motion. Sparks flew! A singular bead of sweat dripping slowly and sensually down his left shoulder blade. I saunter over slowly tearing my clothes off in a super manly manner. I look over again at the bead of sweat. I stretch out, tongue extended. It meets flesh, intercepting the sweats path. _Sploosh_. A salty treat. A tingling sensation encases my foot. Wand extended Malfoy turns to look at me, our eyes meet and looks at me questionably. I give a practiced wink. Suddenly Moaning Myrtle clears her dead throat, and pokes her head out of the toilet, between Malfoy's legs.

"Hey, we were a bit busy here," Moaning Myrtle proclaims.

"I know. Can the chosen one join in for a few rounds?" I ask.

"I don't know about tha—" Myrtle begins

"Of course you can, chosen one," Malfoy exclaims.

"That's what I thought." I say arrogantly. I lean in slowly towards Malfoy's perfect lips, keeping eye contact all the while. I can sense that he likes it, because he grabs my beautiful face, which has just the perfect amount of scruff, and pulls me in. Our lips meet, meshing into one. Malfoy's tongue slips between my lips, gliding against my teeth, like a painters brush creating the perfect portrait of lust. Myrtle floats in, ready to contribute. She slowly drifts through my body from behind, bursting through my sculpted chest. I shiver as the feeling of ice flows through me. She moves on to Malfoy, I can feel his lips quiver as she enters his body. He tries to pull away but I swiftly grab his wand. He yelps at first but it quickly turns into a sigh. I start my magic.

As our breathing gets heavy and the magic is flying, Malfoy whispers into my ear, "I've always fantasized of this moment. I was starting to get worried that it wouldn't happen, since we are at the brink of death."

"Death?" I question, " What do you mean?"

" Well with Voldemort back and attacking the castle, at his full strength, I don't expect we will last much longer," Malfoy explains.

I pull out and slap him, he cries in pain, " How dare you not express this concern with me sooner!"

"I thought it was obvious, didn't you witness the destruction and loud explosions on you way up here?!" He screams.

Moaning Myrtle rolls her eyes, Oh Harry you were never the brightest."

I pull my pants up and quickly throw my ripped shirt on. I run out of the lavatory leaving Malfoy behind disappointed and unsatisfied.

"My father shall hear about this!" I hear him yell. I ignore the empty threat and dash out the door.

**Chapter 2**

I sprint down the corridor toward the Great Hall. I see Ron and Hermione huddled close together weeping down at the dead bodies of almost all of my fans. Ron looks up, "Where have you been? Voldemort is killing everyone! What happened to your shirt?"

"Oh, you know, I was in a battle…of sorts," I respond.

"Oh, us too! Hermione lost an arm." I glance over at the bloody, oozing, gross, smelly, sticky, somewhat appealing stump.

"It suits you well!" I say.

She smiles, "Oh Harry, you always know how cheer a girl up." I feel my wand rise, but I know deep down that it is not the right time to act. I start to leave when I see the stump again, she pulls me in with her good arm, tearing my shirt even more until it is only shreds on the ground. We use it to cushion our bodies as we lay together. Ron watches jealously but with some intrigue, and lets us continue, 'cause that's just the kind of guy he is. Hermione grabs my fully risen wand, just as the ceiling is blasted and starts to rain rubble upon us. I leap away, leaving Hermione helplessly on the ground struggling to stand with only one arm. As soon as she gets on her feet, she is struck by a large chunk of ceiling. She falls back to the ground, her leg caught under a huge boulder. She reaches out for a helping hand, but realizes too late that it is the stump she has extended. More rubble falls, completely covering her body.

"Well that's unfortunate," I say with slight concern. Ron stares at the rock pile in shock. I leave him to grieve with the most likely dead Hermione. I start running down the hall, shirtless, gawkers at every turn, searching desperately for a telephone. I know from one of my many mischievous adventures that Filch has one hidden in his underwear drawer last I checked. As I turn the corner to his office, I see him with his cat, Mrs. Norris, getting busy. I ignore them and move on to the office. I dash over to the dresser and yank open each drawer until I find the muggle phone. I instantly dial, Bill Clinton.

The ring tone goes on for what seems to be an eternity, until finally a groggy William answers.

"Harry? What's wrong? You don't usually call at this hour."

"How many times do I have to tell you to call me Monica? If anyone knew—"

"I know, I know, I'll get impeached. You don't always have to worry about me," he interrupts annoyed.

"Exactly, we must practice the utmost secrecy. Anyway, I need your help." I say, "Voldemort is attacking Hogwarts! And I have a plan to stop him. However it is a risky one."

"Whatever you need, it is yours."

"Perfect," I respond.

**Chapter 3**

I hang up the phone and head back to the Great Hall, still shirtless. People are screaming everywhere, and that's when I see Voldemort standing in the distance, the moon's shine glistening on his bald head. His snake like nostrils sniff the air and he notices my presence. His eyes meet mine, and I give him a friendly wave. I hear planes in the distance headed in our direction. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the rock pile that previously crushed Hermione start to move. Rock after rock starts to fall away when suddenly her stump emerges. Slowly, her head breaks out of the pile and she starts to stand. Fully out of the pile she exclaims "I'm alive!"

All of a sudden the planes were upon us. McGonagall hurriedly shoots her wand in the air, "_Sireno!_" She said at a normal volume. The spell caused a loud, blaring, ear piercing, screeching, jarring, somewhat appealing alarm to sound off. "I've always wanted to use that spell!" she giggled.

Just then an atomic bomb fell through the cracked ceiling, onto Voldemort's glistening head.

**Chapter 4**

_BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! _

**CHAPTER 5**

The bomb obliterated everything sight. Voldemort, the castle, my fans, Hermione, my sweet disappointed Draco, and the bit of Voldemort's soul inside me, all dead. All of which I will dearly miss. I am the sole survivor. It is now my responsibility, my duty (hehe), to tell my new fans the real story of this battle. You're going down Dolores!

**THE END**


End file.
